Flying Woes – What Musicians Need to Know I

by Janet Horvath, Interlude

Cello en route

Smashed guitars, lost double basses, confiscated Stradivarius’, cancelled tickets and boarding refusals—what is a musician to do?

Recently a guitarist had his custom-built instrument safely stowed in the overhead bin on a flight to Nice. The stewardesses approached him in a funk. Despite his explanations as to why the guitar needed to be there, the cabin crew refused to listen and took the instrument away from him. Inevitably it arrived on the luggage belt in Nice smashed to pieces.

Longtime concertmaster of the Pittsburgh Symphony, Andrés Cárdenes had a rude experience recently. “Just when I start thinking the airlines understand the law regarding violins as carry-on, the B35 gate agent in Pittsburgh tells me I can’t carry it on, nor would it fit. I immediately argued, whereupon she began laughing at me. Fortunately, I carry a copy of the law in my case and showed her. She then proceeded to ignore me as I tried to enter my frequent flier number—ignorant and disrespectfully rude. Nice job description, American Airlines.”

Another colleague recently flew Ryanair, Cologne to Madrid. He boarded. The crew immediately told him he couldn’t store the violin in the overhead compartment due to security reasons. (That’s a good one!) After having shown them that he actually paid an extra 50 EUROs to have the violin in the cabin, they claimed that he had to have an extra seat. After much discussion, they finally gave him two seats, the violin held by a mandatory seat belt. Indeed I suppose this would be more ‘secure’ than in the bin above. Principal cello of the Cleveland Orchestra Mark Kosower got the seatbelt treatment. Note the elaborate harness on his most recent flight—a very safe cello on Air Canada. 

Andreas’ violin on board

Of course Air Canada’s policies have created havoc among musicians with their incomprehensible rules. Recently, cellist Andrea Stewart, purchased two seats for herself and her cello paying the required additional surcharge to reserve the window seat for the cello. When she arrived at the airport though, she was told that since she had neglected to inform the airline that an instrument would occupy the second seat, she would not be allowed to board the aircraft. The problem, according to Air Canada, was that advanced warning is required so that the above-mentioned harness could be loaded onto the plane to secure the cello. In other instances Air Canada has refused to allow the purchase of tickets for cellos and last year they banned violas. Since then this policy has been reversed due to media pressure.

But their language still leaves a musician in a quandary:
‘Due to passenger loads, aircraft limitations and/or storage space available, we cannot guarantee that a musical instrument can be accommodated on board. It may need to be checked at the gate and transported as checked baggage. For this reason, musical instruments must always be properly packaged in a rigid and/or hard shell container specifically designed for shipping such items.

Piano on plane

Some airlines allow a lovely first class seat for the cello. All we need now is a lounge piano onboard, for those requests to ‘play a tune.’

Meanwhile, Robert Black, a member of the Bang on a Can All-Stars, who perform all over the world, somewhat confidently loaded his double bass onto a flight from Fortaleza, Brazil, to New York on TAM the largest airline in Brazil. When he arrived there was no sign of the bass! Days later the airline still had no idea where the bass was. At his wits end Black posted several photos and the following on social media:

“The bass is one of Patrick Charton’s B-21 models he made for me in 2009 (No. 13). It is a very unique and distinctive instrument. There are only about thirty of these instruments in the world. It easily stands out and cannot be confused for any other bass. There is a unique dedication inscribed inside.”

Amazingly enough, due to the Facebook photos, a colleague noticed the bass sitting in a locked office at the international baggage claim in Toronto, Canada. Yes Canada—from Brazil. He took a photo of it and sent the photo to Black who forwarded it to TAM airlines. No mea culpa from the airlines for several more days until finally the bass was shipped directly to the artist’s home in Harford, Connecticut via Federal Express from Toronto, undamaged.

On a routine trip home from Tokyo to Germany Japanese violinist Yuzuko Horigome’s Guarneri violin was seized at the Frankfurt airport. Apparently she had not shown the proper documents nor had she declared her $1.2 million violin. It would be held until she paid the fine of 190,000 euros ($238,400) in import duties. The violin was eventually returned and Horigome was spared the fine. But what agony! 

In another instance Yuki Manuela Janke was returning home to Germany after giving a performance in Tokyo, when customs officers at the Frankfurt airport confiscated her 1741 Stradivarius violin worth $7.6m claiming Janke might plan to sell it. If she wanted it back she’d have to pay $1.5m customs duty. The instrument known as ‘The Muntz’ violin had been leased to Janke since 2007 and the owners, the Japan-based Nippon Foundation, indicated that Janke had documentation, including her loan contract with the foundation, photographs of the violin, and other papers.

The lesson here is that one cannot be too careful! Carry the papers for your instrument and check each airline’s policy carefully. Print these policies. If you can, talk to a supervisor beforehand and get their name. (The U.S. Policy is downloadable below.) Arrive early to every flight. If the worst does happen and you must check your instrument, loosen the strings, and stuff the case with clothing so the instrument is padded and tightly held. Insist on claiming it at the tarmac rather than allowing it to descend on the conveyor belts. Put fragile and “this side up” stickers all over the best hard case that you can afford. Consider shipping via ground. Here also are links to the how to’s of shipping.

Stay tuned for the agony of ivory.

Music and Bows and Clothes: Oh My!

by Janet Horvath , Interlude

© Bass Bags

It’s hard to believe how many hilarious behind-the-scenes mishaps we musicians experience. Afterwards, once we’ve recovered from the embarrassment, we love to share these stories at parties!

My friend cellist Clay Ruede recently told me this one: He was playing a show on Broadway and he kept a cello at the theater. One Sunday the orchestra was advised that heavy storms were on their way and the theater basement could flood. It would be wise if the musicians removed their instruments from the lockers as a precaution. Clay took his cello home. The following Tuesday, the musicians gathered for the next show and chatted backstage while waiting for the “places” call. When the loud speakers announced, “Places please. Musicians, places,” Clay went to his locker but the cello wasn’t there. It was still at home. Thinking quickly, he ran out to a nearby music shop, he purchased a cheap cello, and got back to the theater and his seat just in time for his first solo. After the show Clay returned the cello for a full refund.

A couple of years later, Clay performed for a different Broadway musical. Just before Showtime a violinist in the orchestra called in a panic that there had been an accident on the highway. Frantic she would be late, she admitted that she’d also forgotten to bring her violin. Clay told her not to worry. He knew what to do! He left the theater, bought a violin for her at the same music shop, and placed the tuned violin and a bow on her chair. The violinist made it just in time for the performance.

© Violinist.com

Forgetting bows or instruments is more common than you might think! Another colleague described how many times his gear enjoyed traveling without him. Roland Hutchinson mentioned how his baryton bow once failed to get off the bus in Eisenstadt (not its fault) and the bow went on to Vienna without him. Fortunately, the bus line found the bow and it was returned without incident before the performance. Another time one of his viols “forgot” to get off the airplane in California and on it went to Hawaii (the airline’s fault). The carrier delivered the instrument to Roland by van the following day. When traveling to South Africa another colleague also left her bow on a plane. Upon reaching the baggage claim area she suddenly remembered the forgotten bow and in a panic raced back to the gate where she found the entire crew gathered around the long box. Lost in speculation they were trying to guess what this mysterious box contained: a flute? A pool cue? Some type of narrow rifle? A baguette?

Losing instruments happens on tour too! Gill Tennant recalls when her youth orchestra traveled to Moscow. An entire tranche of instruments went directly to Moscow but the group first had a concert in Copenhagen where the musicians disembarked. Oops! Fortunately, Copenhagen’s youth orchestra members were able to lend their instruments for the concert. The timpanist wasn’t too happy. The Copenhagen counterpart didn’t have any timpani. This is especially problematic in the fourth movement of Shostakovich Symphony No 5. The timpanist had to stand on a stool to bang on an enormous 15-foot-tall side drum. 

© Orquestra Imperial

Forgetting music is a classic faux pas. Fortunately, many musicians have phenomenal memories at times like these but forgetting where you’re supposed to be going is another story. Freelancers who often have to travel to several different venues find this a frequent mishap. Imagine the chagrin. A colleague played an entire wedding gig. When she asked the bride’s father for payment he was puzzled. They hadn’t booked any musicians. He’d actually thought it was such a nice perk that the venue provided a string player. Meanwhile at the same venue another wedding party wondered what happened to the musician they booked.

It’s easy to show up at the wrong hall. A colleague realized her error and had to walk a half mile on a hot afternoon across town wearing her long black dress and high heeled shoes and of course carrying, a music stand, music bag, and the cello. She made it to the performance on time.

Wardrobe failures plague us too. I remember wearing a lovely sheer cream and rose-colored dress for a chamber music concert. The bright stage lighting shone from behind us. My chamber music partners leaned toward me and whispered that the audience could see right through my skirt. They accommodated this turn of events by standing directly behind me while we exited the stage, trying unsuccessfully to keep a straight face. We’d hoped the Charles-Marie Widor Piano Quartet in A Minor Op. 66 would be alluring but not that alluring!

Years ago, Clay’s trio was about to make its Washington, DC debut at the Philips Gallery. The Gallery was being renovated, so the concert had to be held at a different venue. There the stage was 8 feet above the audience with the “backstage area” located behind the audience. The musicians had to walk through an aisle in the center of the audience and up a staircase in the middle of the stage to get into playing position. For the Sunday afternoon concert the musicians wore suits and not their customary tails. Clay’s cello was lying in its case on the floor of the so-called “green room.” When he bent over to pick up the cello he heard an embarrassing riiipppp. His pants split all the way from the waistband in the back to the zipper in the front. The pianist sprang into action and followed Clay very closely as they marched back and forth through the audience. Despite everything they got a rave review in the Washington Post, and in hindsight, he said, he was much cooler playing the concert with the additional ventilation.

By Janet Horvath, Interlude

During the 150th anniversary of Rachmaninoff’s birth, pianist Yuja Wang undertook an extraordinary feat. She performed all the Rachmaninoff Piano Concertos and the Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini in one marathon concert at Carnegie Hall on January 28, 2023. Wang appeared with the Philadelphia Orchestra and Maestro Yannick Nézet- Séguin. The audience was treated to a four-hour program, with two intermissions, consisting of 97,076 notes and 621 pages of music. But who’s counting? It turns out that noting the numbers was part of the evening. Wang was asked to wear a device to track her heartbeat during the concert, and so did the conductor, nine members of the orchestra, and six members of the audience. The results of this experiment are quite extraordinary.

The ganjingworld investigation began with statistics: Yuja Wang has played so far, Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto No. 2, thirty-five times, Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto No. 1, fourteen times, Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto No. 4, twenty-one times, Rachmaninoff Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini thirty-one times, and Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto No. 3, a total of 72 times.

No one had ever attempted playing all of Rachmaninoff’s five works for piano solo with the orchestra before. Who else would have the stamina to do it? It’s akin to winning a gold medal in the Olympics or climbing Mount Everest.

In planning the program, Yuja decided the 3rd Piano Concerto had to conclude the program as it is the epitome of emotion, drama, and physicality. Who can play anything after that?

Unsurprisingly, Wang’s virtuosity and musicality were riveting from beginning to end. Wang also amazed the audience with a different outfit for each concerto while keeping track of the tracking device.

© Carnegie Hall

When the results were revealed to Wang, it was uncanny that she could look at the graph and identify exactly where she was in the music just by looking at the peaks and the valleys of her heartbeats.

The highest peaks, of course, occur where the music is physically or psychologically difficult. As a benchmark note, resting beats per minute is approximately 62 BPM. During the finale of the 2nd Concerto, her heart rate reached 139 BPM, predictably where there are more notes, and it’s faster and louder. During the finale of the 3rd Concerto, she surpassed that number at 146 BPM. But the highest level reached 149 BPM— 233% more than resting—was during the finale of the 4th Concerto.

The interesting thing is that Wang’s heart rate didn’t always consistently go up when it was loud and fast or just in the finales. In fact, the 3rd Concerto, despite being the longest and most difficult concerto, on average, indicated the lowest BPM rates. Wang thinks there are two reasons for this slower heart rate. Spiritually, the piece has a calming effect on her. Technically, as an elite and superbly skilled pianist, she’s able to save her energy when needed during the performance. Her heart rate is affected by how economical her movements are.

There is a third possibility to consider. Perhaps the reason her heartbeats were higher in the first and fourth concertos is that Wang has had the least experience performing these works. If she was more keyed up, it certainly would affect one’s heart rate.

Another statistic amused Yuja Wang. The numbers indicated how much harder she worked than the conductor. She: 2,427 calories burned and 20,275 steps taken; He: 1,645 calories burned and 15,079 steps taken.

Vindicated! We musicians know this! But Yannick actually recorded the highest peak, higher than any of Wang’s uppermost BPMs, when he reached 153 BPM in the final variations #19-24 of the Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini. It is, of course, a very exciting ending, and it’s strenuous to marshal all the musicians for this mighty climax, as it is for us to play it.

Throughout his career, Nézet-Seguin has sought to bring people in sync with his music-making. He was astonished when he saw this reflected on the graph. There is an amazing synchronicity when comparing the heartbeats of the soloist and the conductor. Yuja and Yannick were musically and physically on the same wavelength throughout. But even more impressive, even during Wang’s cadenzas, when the orchestra and the conductor were “at rest,” their heartbeats rose in sync with the soloist’s playing and emotion. Whenever the music became more emotionally intense, the constant interdependence between all the musicians on stage, even when they weren’t playing, was notable. The phenomenon could be seen in the tracking devices of audience members as well. Their heartbeats went up, too, during the emotionally moving sections.

Does this occur in other settings? Choir music and song have permeated civilisations throughout different cultures and religions. In a 2013 study, it was documented that when choirs sing, their heartbeats become synchronized, beating as one. An article in NPR and the BBC World Service in July of 2013 reported that researchers of the Sahlgrenska Academy at the University of Gothenburg in Sweden studied the heart rates of a high school choir in a variety of choral works. They published their results in Frontiers in Neuroscience. Singers must exhale and inhale in a coordinated fashion. The findings showed that singing in a choir calmed the singer’s heart rate, especially when they were singing in unison, and within a few moments, each person’s heartbeat became synchronised. Somehow, the singers’ collective consciousness is connected to each other. Their controlled breathing, as we’ve seen in yoga and in other meditational practices, had a quietening effect.

Listen to The VocalEssence Ensemble Singers conducted by Philip Brunelle perform “The Day is Done” by Minnesota composer Stephen Paulus to a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. “And the night shall be filled with music, And the cares, that infest the day, Shall be banished like restless feelings, That silently steal away.”

I can’t help respiring, sighing with them.

Stephen Paulus: The Day in Done 

Choirs breathe together, but so do wind and brass musicians in a band, ensemble, or orchestra—to make a phrase, to play seamlessly, and to express the musical lines homogeneously. Many audience members may not know that string players must also breathe together, especially during chamber music performances when we don’t have a conductor. The sniff at the beginning of a piece, in addition to body language, will lead colleagues, much like a conductor’s upbeat, and the rate of the sniff indicates many things—when to play, the type of entrance, the rhythm, the meter, the style. Breathing helps us stay together and to feel the music as one.

The Yuja Wang Rachmaninoff Heartbeat Study was more than an amusing experiment. Dr. Bjorn Vickhoff concludes, “We speculate that it is possible singing could also be beneficial.” Performing and listening to music is good for us and is a positive experience which can synchronise our heartbeats. Unlike many other activities, music can bring people of all ages, cultures, and backgrounds together, in sync, in harmony, despite wide-ranging experiences with music.

Here is the video of the entire study courtesy of Yuja Wang, and Carnegie Hall, director Joe Sabia, producer Greg T. Gordon, Images Carnegie Hall Rose Archives, Cartoon Jeffrey Curnow.

The Blame Game – Musicians’ Excuses When Things Go Wrong

by Janet Horvath

Several years ago, I wrote an article entitled The Dog Ate My Music- Excuses for Not Practicing.

Those of us who are musicians have tried these excuses with varying success; teachers have heard them all. Just like in other professions, musicians can be guilty of procrastinating.

After several months, once we do our dedicated practising and have put in the long, sometimes frustrating hours, our recital, concert, audition, and competition are upon us. What could possibly go wrong? Despite our best efforts, something does. These may be out of our control, like a distracting noise in the hall, terrible chairs, poor lighting, an out-of-tune piano to play with; and some not, like going to the wrong hall, arriving at the wrong time, or forgetting your music, your shoulder rest, your mouthpiece, your shoes, your glasses, or your pants. While we’re playing, no matter the hours of practice, we might have a memory slip, miss a passage, or lose our place in the music. When things happen, musicians once again come up with ingenious excuses, otherwise called the Blame Game.

How many times have we been challenged, if not foiled, by our surroundings? I’ll never forget the recital I played in a historical hall in Rome, most often used for theatrical productions. I had to make my way through a thick, dark blue velvet curtain behind which, was a minefield of stage sets, piles of wood, props, tinsel, and dust. Once I was able to negotiate getting onto the stage, snagging my dress in an exposed nail, I might add, I was alarmed to find that the rake or slope of the stage was at an incline that made me woozy. It may have helped to improve with the illusion of perspective and increase the sight lines for spectators, but once I staggered to my seat, the chair and me on the seat kept sliding forward, especially whenever I played forte. You can imagine the result in a piece like Brahms Sonata for Cello and Piano in F major Op. 99, which begins very loudly and with passion. 

Performance anxiety can often get the better of us. Some musicians are not plagued by nerves, while it undoes others (and we are so jealous of them.) That subject is quite another story.

The following excuses are ever-present in the musician’s world. (For novices, there are some notes at the end of the article.)

I shouldn’t have had that double cappuccino.

I was too hungry to concentrate.

I had the flu. That’s why my bow was shaking.

The chair was too low/high.

The stand was too low/high.

The lighting was too dim/blinding.

We are quick to blame the instrument itself:

My instrument is too small/too big.

My chin rest is too low/too high.

I forgot my shoulder rest. I had to use my shoe! (violinists).

It was the reed again. It cracked and quacked (1) (oboe players).

My strings are too high off the fingerboard. I can hardly press them down (cellists).

My strings are old/cheap/false/unraveling (all strings and harp).

My bridge is warped.

My mouthpiece got stuck. (2)

My instrument is a piece of crap (all).

Someone set up the instrument all wrong! (even a novice will notice that the strings should be over the bridge not under!)

And in the case of cellists – the woes of the endpin

The endpin is warped. (3)

My end pin slipped because my rock stop/puck/strap slipped!

My endpin was too low. When I started, I tightened it as hard as I could but it s-l-o-w-l-y descended while I was playing.

It was a wolf tone. It sounded like my outboard motor. (4)

We might blame the bow or bowings:

You want how many notes or beats in one bow (or one breath!)? How long do you think my bow is? Tristan und Isolde by Wagner is a case in point. 

Something is wrong with my bow!

My bow is warped.

My bow needs to be re-haired.

I need darker rosin.

Carbon fiber bows are so unresponsive.

Or the music:

This edition sucks.

It was hand scribed. What do they expect?

Kalmus!

The editor put in strange and terrible fingerings/bowings.

The page turns were impossible.

Too many leger lines! (5)

We can always resort to blaming the conductor and/or the composer:

Why did the conductor choose this piece?

What was the conductor thinking? That was an unplayable tempo.

Didn’t the conductor conduct 4 in a 3/4 bar?

The conductor got lost.

The conductor can’t conduct his/her way out of a paper bag.

The conductor glared at me.

The composer doesn’t know anything about the cello, the string family, or likely failed music theory and composition.

The composer must think we have a degree in calculus and algebra to figure out these rhythms.

When we are really piqued and need an excuse right away, we impulsively blame our stand-partner:

I missed that passage because of my stand-partner. He/she:

Didn’t get the page over fast enough.

Put the stand too far away, too high/low.

Put his/her fingerings in the part, and I couldn’t see mine.

Was singing along, and he/she has a terrible voice.

Was playing out of tune, out of rhythm, got lost, swayed too much, screwed up the bowings.

Or we can always blame the weather or travel

I got caught in the rain.

It was the jetlag.

And if these don’t work. Here are a few on an ascending scale of desperation

I usually play better.

I practised so much I almost died!

I sounded great at home.

I blame my parents.

I blame my therapist!

A swarm of termites has moved in!!

(And when all else fails)

It was the viola section’s fault. (With apologies to my amazing viola playing colleagues such as Julian Rachlin on viola in Resurrection of the Viola Player.) (6) 

These are some insights into life as a musician. Jokes aside, those of us in the business know playing a musical instrument takes practice, tremendous discipline, focus, and dedication. The preparation for each concert can take months if not years, and attaining excellence is a lifetime quest. Deep down, we truly acknowledge that there are no excuses. Musicians never want to let down our audiences, our teachers, or ourselves, so we continue to pursue excellence and strive for that impeccable performance. But even more important, we endeavor to play with enough panache to move our audiences and fool them into thinking it was effortless!

Notes:

(1) A reed is used by the clarinet, oboe, English horn, and bassoon players. Many musicians carve their own reeds out of cane. Reed making is a fine art and can take years to learn as the reed is directly responsible for the response, sound quality, ease of playing, and playing in tune. Yet sometimes they might only last a few minutes as they can easily chip or crack but well-cared for, they can last 2-3 weeks depending also on how much the musician is playing. But they can sound like a QUACK!

(2) The mouthpiece of brass instruments can become stuck in the receiver. This can be caused by playing with too much pressure, when the player forgets to clean the moisture from the mouthpiece, or when the player forgets to take out the mouthpiece after playing. If it becomes stuck, it is essential to use the specially designed tool to remove it— a mouthpiece puller, that will separate the mouthpiece from the receiver without damage to the mouthpiece or pipe. Brass players call wrong notes CLAMS!

(3) Cellists may jam the sharp end of the endpin into a wooden floor, making a hole, which doesn’t please stage-managers. There are several implements available to “hold” or anchor the spike/endpin in place. These range from pucks to straps. But sometimes these slip too! Carrying the cello should be enough, but chairs are often too low. Hence bringing a wedge seat cushion.

(4) The wolf is an undesirable phenomenon that occurs on some bowed string instruments, especially on the cello. When the pitch, often an F# on the G string, is played and it is closely related to a natural, resonant frequency of the instrument, the instrument will vibrate intensely. It can be difficult to control and can sound strange, like a stuttering or warbling. Some cellists resort to a wolf tone eliminator—a small metal tube with a screw mounted on one of the strings below the bridge. They don’t work reliably. I used to squeeze my cello with my knees to reduce the vibration of the instrument and this sometimes worked. But it can still sound like a howling WOLF!

(5) Leger line is used in western musical notation. They are short lines that extend above or below the staff, placed parallel to the lines of the staff, and equidistantly spaced to denote higher or lower notes beyond the staff. Try reading these with progressive glasses or when you haven’t had enough sleep!

(6) Tristan Schulze wrote “Resurrection of the Viola Player” to be played by Julian Rachlin on the viola. This is the very first piece that Julian ever played on the viola, and he had to learn it for memory because he did not know the viola cliff well enough at the time! With violinist and comedian Aleksey Igudesman, Daisy Jopling, violin, Tristan Schulze, cello.

 by Janet Horvath, Interlude

Musicians and music lovers enjoy musical puns. Who doesn’t need a laugh these days? I thought why not expand on some of the puns colleagues have shared with me, of course omitting the ubiquitous viola jokes! (Special thanks to prolific writer and cellist David Johnstone.)

I was going to tell an Alban Berg joke but I have to go to the loo, Lou!

I have a Wagner joke but it would take 110 musicians and more than four days to tell…

I have a Debussy joke, but it’s hard to follow. More of an impression really…

There is a Hungarian joke to tell over a pint of beer, but Bartók can’t happen at the moment due to the pandemic. They’re all closed.

I considered telling a joke about an orchestral suite of Handel but thought it might not go off with a bang especially if it was all wet.

I figured out why Bach had so many children. He didn’t have a stop on his organ!

I have a Haydn joke but I can’t tell you now. It’s a Surprise.

When I began a class about the development of the famous piece Bolero my students told me it was too difficult to un-Ravel.

OK. Who left the Ring in the bath?

I’d tell you a Tchaikovsky joke but it’s rather Pathétique.

There’s a humorous story about Messiaen, but in the end, I don’t have Time.

Do you know the joke about Schubert? But it’s un…

I related an opera joke to my friend Bill but could William Tell?

My Philip Glass joke; My Philip Glass joke; My Philip Glass; My Philip Glass joke…

I have a Reger joke. Ha-ha. Tricked you. There’s obviously no such thing!

I could tell a John Cage joke, but I don’t have 4 minutes and 33 seconds and it’s too loud here.

Did you hear about the composer who committed suicide? He didn’t even leave a note.

I have a joke about American music but it’s too late now. Ives gotta go to bed.

There are children in the room so I won’t tell an off-color Baroque joke. I don’t think they can Handel it.

Joan Towered over me as she referred to my very petite stature.

I was going to tell the joke about The Trout, but my wife said, “shoo, Bert!”

Want to hear the joke about the staccato in Mozart? Never mind it’s too short.

Did you hear the one about Arnold Schoenberg? When he walked into a bar he asked for a gin without the tonic.

What a Florence Price to pay for that evening. Amy felt totally de-Beeched by the atmosphere.

Did you know Mozart was a child prodigy? He was A sharp minor.

I wanted to tell you the joke about Carmen but I’m too Bizet at the moment.

I was going to tell you about the trout who practiced her scales in Schubert’s quintet. It was tough to listen to…over and over…“Da capo al fin.”

I don’t understand why you’re complaining about these jokes. You can’t Telemann anything these days.

For anyone who didn’t “get” some of these here is a key, and with deepest regrets to:

Alban Berg and his opera Lulu

Richard Wagner’s Der Ring des Nibelungen (The Ring of the Nibelung) or The Ring consists of four operas all very long: Das Rheingold, Die Walküre, Siegfried, Götterdämmerung.

Claude Debussy was considered an impressionist composer.

Béla Bartók was one of the giants of 20th century music from Hungary.

Béla Bartók

Two of George Frideric Handel’s works includes his Music for the Royal Fireworks and Water Music

Carl Nielsen was a Danish composer, conductor, and violinist.

Carl Nielsen

J.S. Bach had two wives and an astounding 20 children.

Joseph Haydn’s Symphony No. 94 in G major is nicknamed “Surprise.”

One of Maurice Ravel’s most well-known pieces is his Bolero.

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky Symphony No. 6 in B Minor Op. 74 is entitled the Pathétique.

Olivier Messiaen Quartet for the End of Time, written for clarinet, violin, cello and piano was written in 1941 when the composer was a prisoner-of-war in Germany.

Franz Schubert’s Symphony No 8 in B Minor was left unfinished and has only 2 movements.

William Tell is an Opera by Gioachino Rossini. The overture is one of the most famous overtures in the repertoire and is frequently performed in concert.

Many accuse Philip Glass’ music of being repetitive. It’s tough for that reason to play, but I love listening to it! Mesmerizing.

Max Reger, a German composer, pianist, organist conductor and pedagogue. His music was serious, especially his many works for organ.

Max Reger

John Cage was thrust into the public eye by his work 4’ 33” a piece which the performer remains silent on stage for that length of time.

American composer Charles Ives.

American composer Joan Tower.

Joan Tower

Franz Schubert’s Piano Quintet in A Major D 677 is named The Trout due to a song he uses in the fourth movement, which is a set of variations on his famous song, “Die Forelle” (The Trout.) Stunning.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

Arguably Georges Bizet’s best-known work is his opera Carmen.

Arnold Schoenberg was the first to introduce the 12-tone system of composition and rarely was there a “key” or a tonic note.

Florence Price, an American composer, pianist, organist, and teacher, was the first African-
American woman to be recognized as a symphonic composer.

Florence Price

The Boston Symphony premiered American composer and pianist Amy Beach’s Symphony in 1896—the first symphony composed and published by an American woman.

German baroque composer George Philipp Telemann, a self-taught musician, played several
instruments and was a prolific composer.