Ten Worst Things about being a Conductor

By Classic FM London

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Even though they get to stand at the front and look important, it's a tough life being a conductor. Here are the downsides to the top job.

1. Unflattering photographs

So whenever you think you're doing a really emotive face in that delicate section of Brahms 2, it's actually more like this:

(Photo: Chris Christodolou)

2. People who say 'don't you just stand at the front and wave your arms?'

No. No we do not.

(via Tumblr)

3. Surly brass sections

Look how Leonard Bernstein handles these back-row wise guys.

4. Big moments make you look weird

Riccardo Chailly is a magnificent man, please don't get us wrong. But conducting makes you do some strange things with your body.

5. Polo necks

You may start out as one of those young, cool conductors who wears whatever they like to rehearsals. But the polo neck will claim you. It will hunt you down and consume you. Fear it.

6. Unanswerable questions

"Maestro, should we begin this phrase with up-bows or down-bows?"

(via Imgur)

7. When the orchestra can't keep up

JUST GO AT THE SAME SPEED AS MY HANDS HOW HARD IS IT

(via Tumblr width=460 )

8. Soloists in concertos

"If you could have the cadenza finished in the next couple of hours, that'd be great. I'll just stand here."

(via Tumblr)

9. Studying scores in your spare time

Musicians have practising, which at least makes a nice sound. Reading scores is way boring.

10. Musicians

Yeah, yeah, they're 'essential' to an orchestra. But come on guys. If you just left the playing to conductors then they wouldn't even need to be told how to play the pieces correctly, right?

(via Blogspot)

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Ten Things You do when you're a massive classical music nerd

10 things you do when you're a massive classical music nerd

By Classic FM London

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What are the little habits, tics and defining features of a true classical music nerd? And more importantly, how many of them are you secretly guilty of?

1. You always do the harmony whenever anyone sings 'Happy Birthday'

"What do you mean I was the only one doing it?! All you have to do is knock it up a third when you get to the fourth 'Birthday' and the rest is easy..."

2. You make sure you sit on the 'keyboard side' of the concert hall

"Because I'm interested in how his left hand will cope with the Alberti bass in the first movement."

3. You order your CD collection chronologically, by musical period

"...and you'll notice I have a separate section for English Renaissance. Because it came after the Flemish Renaissance. Obviously."

4. When you see a 'Hooked on Classics' CD in a friend's collection, you make a note never to socialise with them ever again

"What they did to the Karelia Suite was unforgiveable. Now get out of my sight."

5. Rather than Beat The Intro, you play Guess The BWV Number with your friends

"Hmm, it doesn't seem to be in the right key for Amore Traditore, but I know that melody anywhere..."

6. You immediately disregard the 'Classical' equaliser preset on a new hi-fi and customise your own

"The sonorities just aren't working for me. I can barely hear that counter-melody in the basses."

7. You have an opinion on which set of Glenn Gould Goldberg Variations is superior

"Has to be the 1955 recording. I don't want to hear him singing over the top like Elton John."

8. You know which door of the Royal Albert Hall you need to go to just from your seat number

"Thanks for your concern, usher, but if you don't mind I'm heading to the North Circle Bar..."

9. You're able to close your eyes in a concert and not fall asleep

"The multicoloured seats in the Barbican are not going to distract me from the majesty of The Rite Of Spring. See you in half an hour."

10. You only cough in silences

"I tried to time it with the cymbal crash but the percussionist was a half-bar late. Amateur."

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Thinking of taking up an instrument?

Thinking of taking up an instrument? Great! But be warned - it's not as easy as you might think...

1. You will not be able to play perfectly immediately

You're better off starting with the basics, one step at a time.

(via imgur) 

2. Everyone will expect you to be able to play perfectly immediately

No matter how much you protest, everyone you know will assume that just because you've started learning you'll be a prodigy from the start. In the eyes of everyone else, you are one of the Von Trapp children.

...or doing a party-piece on demand, just like this:

A Mozart duet from Ariana Piknjač & Nikolina Šušak

Ariana Piknjač & Nikolina Šušak perform some beautiful (and clever) Mozart

00:12

 

3. No matter how young you start, there's always someone more prodigious than you

You really think you're making progress, you're mastering the scales and arpeggios, maybe even a few little Grade 1 pieces under your belt... and then you see something like this:

4. There are lots of rules to learn

Just because Jimmy Page uses a violin bow on a guitar doesn't mean you can too. And don't think you can get away with a bare chest on stage either. See also: Nigel Kennedy's concert attire.

5. Your practising will sound terrible at first

Everyone wants to sound amazing from the moment they pick up a new instrument, but don't get too excited. Practise is hard. It takes a lot of effort and dedication. Most of the time, especially at the beginning, it sounds bad. It makes Britney Spears do this:

(via reactiongifs.com)

6. Learning the guitar? Maybe the violin? Strings in general?

Your fingertips will never be able to feel anything ever again. Except pain. 

(via Reddit)

7. Oh, you've taken up the trombone?

What a chance to show your friends just how versatile an instrument the trombone is! It's not all about comedy noises and the theme tune from Jonny Briggs, right? Wrong. All people want from you is this sound:

8. Learning an instrument can alter your appearance

Is that a love-bite on your neck? No, you've started learning the violin.

9. You will never be able to do this:

No matter how much you want it to happen, MI5 have absolutely no use for your cello case. See also: tommy guns in violin cases. Never happens.

10. You will suddenly find yourself with extra luggage

Any dreams of cycling home or taking the scenic walking route will be quashed the moment you strap that tuba or double bass to your back. Oh, and if you're of schooling age, you might want to think about preparing some witty answers to the question, "What's THAT?"

11. Eventually you will join an ensemble of some kind, and that's when the fun really starts

"Want to come for a drink tonight?" 
"Can't. Rehearsal."

(via Don't Poke The Bear)

12. It's easy to give up

But really, you shouldn't. Harness your sticktoitiveness. Keep going up and down those scales and doing those exercises. Like anything, practise makes perfect, and the joy you give to others with your playing will ultimately make the whole endeavour completely worthwhile.

(via GIFSoup)

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