By ClassicFM London
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If you're a musician, these will make you curl up on the floor and weep. We've all heard them before, but it doesn't make it any less painful...
If you're a musician, these will make you curl up on the floor and weep. We've all heard them before, but it doesn't make it any less painful...
1. ‘You’re a singer? Sing us something then.’
2. ‘No space in the cabin I’m afraid. This will have to go in the hold.’
3. ‘We’ll be playing all the repeats in Pachelbel’s Canon.’
4. ‘I didn’t think anyone still wrote classical music.’
5. ‘It’s nice to have teaching to fall back on.’
6. ‘I loved Amadeus. It’s great to see an accurate portrayal of historical events.’
7. ‘You’re a musician? So what do you do for your actual job?’
8. ‘We will pay you in exposure and experience.’
9. ‘The bar will be closing as soon as the concert finishes.’
10. ‘So that’s like a big violin, right?’
11. ‘So that’s like a small cello, right?’
12. ‘So that’s like a… actually, what is a viola?’
13. ‘Is there a machine gun in there?’
14. ‘Is there a dead body in there?’
15. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, please be aware that the toilets are unfortunately out of order. And now, the complete Ring Cycle.’
16. ‘OK, we’ll break for tea just as soon as we finish this 18-minute movement.’
17. ‘You’re a singer? Have you thought about trying out for The X Factor?’
18. ‘We’re bringing classical music to a new audience by adding a rap.’
19. ‘We’re bringing classical music to a new audience by adding electronic beats.’
20. ‘We’re bringing classical music to a new audience by creating a fusion of multiple non-traditional influences.’
21. ‘We’re bringing classical music to a new audience by playing the piece exactly as intended by the composer.’
22. ‘Opera is such an expressive art form, any Lloyd Webber show will tell you that.’
23. ‘Aren’t you too young to be a classical musician?’
24. ‘I could’ve been a professional musician too.’
25. ‘Ah, you’re a musician. How do you pay for things?’
26. ‘I adore classical music. All the greats. Mozart… uh… yeah, Mozart.’
27. ‘It must be so romantic to live like an impoverished artist.’
28. ‘You play music for a living? That must be so relaxing.’
29. ‘You understand good music, don’t you? Have you heard Justin Bieber’s mature new album?’
30. ‘I wish I could just do my hobby all day like you.’
31. ‘Would you listen to my band’s demo tape? We’re equally influenced by Schoenberg
and Metallica.’
32. ‘Ticket prices are £30, but we can’t actually afford to give you a fee.’
33. ‘Actually I’ve composed a song of my own. Can I play it to you?’
34. ‘I know a musician, do you know them too?’
35. ‘Have you ever thought about using a microphone?’
36. ‘We’re all meeting up this weekend, can you make it?’
37. ‘Of course you’re invited to our wedding! But could you bring your violin?’
38. ‘If you like music you should come along to my band’s gig, it’s a darkwave-ska sound installation with musical theatre elements.’
39. ‘But you don’t LOOK like a classical musician.’
40. ‘Can you bring your own piano?’
41. ‘I listen to all genres. Rock, pop… err… yeah, all genres.’
42. ‘So we want two sets of two hours, and no repetition please.’
43. ‘I went to a classical concert once.’
44. ‘I’m a musician too. I played the recorder at school.’
45. ‘Are you one of those singing waitresses?’
46. ‘You can’t call practising work, really, can you?’
47. ‘So if you could play for an hour and then clear up all the empty glasses, that’d be great.’
48. ‘Can we negotiate your fee down a little bit?’
49. ‘Who’s your favourite composer?’
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